Sense of Belonging

Dear All, 

I have been seriously thinking for quite some time as to why people behave as they do and if so, can they be changed? What is the reward for them?

Everyone knows that humans are social animals, always like to be in a group. However, of late it is found that this is breaking down. Here again, does every human being want to be like a hermit without depending on anybody for anything. Is it possible?

On the other hand what is the reward if one belongs to a group or a community whatever be the denomination? I am giving below my attempt to understand this phenomenon.

God bless you all.

Ramanis (C/2)

NOTE: Someone advised me not to send anything as attachment. It is a disruption and so people never read them. Well, that has given me a new dimension in communicating.

It is very interesting to observe the following groups of people in a residential colony:

• Who totally dedicate themselves for the welfare of the colony.
• People who are executive members of the colony’s association acting constantly.
• People who rise like phoenix to solve any major crisis and then disappear.
• People who are bystanders but silently obey whatever the situation demands.
• People who are whiners and squealers, who constantly moan for any and every reason.
• People who are politicians and disruptors who want their agenda to be fulfilled.

Whether one is an owner or a resident, they all fall into one of the above categories. But why is it that people behave like what they do?

Well, it is all a question of “Sense of Belonging”. One of the many things that are common to humans across cultures is the need to belong and be accepted by others. This is one of the reasons people seek to spend time bonding with the family, friends, hobby-buddies, sports, or any religious congregation.

The question then arises: “do we really need a sense of belonging? The answer is a resounding yes. Because it helps one to survive. From evolutionary point of view, it all started with “hunting together”. The ultimate Reward is “Being needed gives meaning to life”.

The question is how to promote this Sense of Belonging when disparate people who have given away most of their earnings to the builder and the banks, and have come to live with hope in their hearts and dream in their eyes. Is it left to a few or is everyone responsible?

To start with, let us consider those who take the initiative to do any work. They do so, not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility. Is it possible for everyone? There can be thousands of excuses not to. However, it is left to one’s own way of commitment.

One has to go to a Langar (kitchen) in any Gurudwara. The highest sense of dignity of labour is displayed there. The first tenet is to be humble and do any work voluntarily. This covers probably the above first three categories for a residential colony.

Everyone knows that, when people elect even a Panchayat president, a big shutter falls down.  Once they assume office, the public have to simply obey them. Otherwise they are severely punished.

This is not so in a residential colony. Fundamentally, it must be remembered that every executive member is equal in status like everyone. Furthermore, they are not full time employees. They have their own personal commitments. They have come forward and offered themselves to serve the community. Having assumed the onerous task, they realise that, more than the internal squabbles, they have to deal with external threats from every corner including the builder.

Most of the residents fall into the fourth category. They are the silent majority. They are what is called the middle class. They can neither rise above nor stoop low.

It is better not to talk about the last two categories, since it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. Suffice to say that they have never assumed any responsibility on any common cause in their lives.

For an infant colony, the problems are mostly deep and unexpected. It takes sometimes a few years to solve. During this period - patience, forbearance, empathy and most of all togetherness will play a large part in coalescing everyone.

As mentioned above, the rewards are immense if one inculcates a “Sense of Belonging”, whether one is an owner or a resident.

Assuming an average 100 families are there at any time and suppose they spend an hour for the welfare of the colony. This will come to 100 hours. Let’s further assume that they can spend it during the weekends only. This will amount to each family spending more or less an hour in a year. Is it a tall order? They can do whatever they would like to do in a positive way. All it takes is a leap of faith and conviction.

I earnestly request every one of us to join me in offering our little, like the legendary squirrel in Ramayana, by carrying bits of sand to build the bridge to an Utopia.